The Secret Lives of Stormtroopers
by Cicero Williams
Summary: One of the things that has always bothered me is the fact that Stormtroopers and Clone Troopers get hardly any lines. However, this leaves a lot of room for imagination of what they were actually like. That's why I, with my friend, wrote this play.
1. Scene 1

_Authors notes: This is a play I'm writing with one of my friends. It's still a work in progress, so I'll have to post new scenes as theycomeavailable._

**Scene 1**

_(Stage is set with three beds, a desk and chair, weights, and an assorted variety of different junk on the floor. Lights are not yet on.)_

1 – I don't know, it could be fun.

2 – _(bitterly) _Not like we have much choice in the matter

_(Dim up. Three clones walk into room. They kick the assorted variety of different junk around some. _3_ lies down on his back on one bed. _1_ walks over to the desk)_

1 – _(sits in chair, turning to face _2 Well then, Mr. "We-Are-Worth-Nothing", What would you rather do? Work at a local bar, risk being shot there, or work here? Here you at least have benefits…

2 – But I don't want benefits! I wouldn't mind being a Knight, though. At least there I would have a chance of defending myself. Besides – hey! We can get shot doing this, too! In fact, we are more likely to get shot here than at any other job!

3 – _(fed up)_ Will you shut up, ya goddamn numbnut? First of all, you know as well as anyone else you can't become a Knight. Second, you should stop being so selfish. This job is the only reason you're alive now!

2 – _(sarcastically)_ Oh, sure, this job is so worth being born in a fricken factory instead of waiting for the real thing.

3 – _(making a sound somewhere between "Gaaaaah" and "Grrrrrh")_ You know you can't choose how you're born.

2 – Can't choose the job either. Lovin' life.

1 – Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm actually looking forward to it. Get to see the galaxy, get to enforce order…

2 – You just want to shoot people.

1 – Is that a crime?

2 – Pretty much.

3 – In most places, yes.

1 – Well, it isn't when we do it.

_(Bell rings.)_

3 – Anyway, it's time to go.

2 – _(walking out)_ Hope there's food left.


	2. Scene 2

_Author's Notes: I originally wrote part of a scene that was meant to be Scene 2. However, I realized that there was just too much that must have happened between Scene 1 and that scene. That scene is now Scene 3. I think the play flows better this way._

**Scene 2**

_Stage is set with two tables lined up in back. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" plays loudly in the background. When lights go up, the three clones are standing around. 2 is silently rocking out with an mp3 player or iPod or something._

1 –_ (Loudly over music)_ I can't wait!

3 – What?

1 – _(Louder)_ I said, "I can't wait!"

3 – One second. _(Shouting at 2_) Hey! Turn that off! You'll destroy all of our eardrums!

2 – _(Turns off mp3, "Sgt. Pepper" stops_) what?

3 – _(Turning back to 1)_ Now what'd you say?

1 – I said, "I can't wait!"

2 – For what? To have the Captain come and yell army rhetoric at us?

1 – Yeah! He's a big war hero!

2 – What gave you that idea?

1 – Because he is, idiot.

2 – I understood that all he's done is drill new recruits. I don't believe he's ever been in battle.

1 – Sure he was.

2 – No, I'm pretty sure that you're--

_(Captain enters)_

C – _(Shouting)_ All right, ladies, line up!

_(1 snaps to attention, followed by 3, and then 2, somewhat reluctantly)_

C – Now listen up! I don't care who you are, who you "kick it" with, or how much money you have! I'm the Captain, you're Privates, and you're in the army now!

3 – Uhh... sir?

C – _(Lowers voice, kind of sneers)_ Yes? Private?

3 – Yeah, see, we're clones, we "kick it" with other clones, and there's no monetary system at boot camp...

C – What's your name, private?

2 – You, uh, just said you don't care who we are...

C – _(Shouting again)_ DAMN RIGHT I DON'T! Now listen up! On your own time, you're going to do Independent Group Training.

1 – Huh? But that --

C – Do you have a problem with what I just said?

1 – _(Snaps back to attention)_ No SIR!

C – That's what I thought. Now listen up! The reason you'll be doing Independent Group Training is that IGT hones your battle skills! Facing an enemy that thinks exactly like you do will challenge your abilities!

2 – Such as…?

C – Well, for one, your ability to recognize an enemy's movements, to realize where your enemy will go, duck, and shoot.

2 – So basically, our ability to shoot at a moving target?

C – NOW LISTEN UP! DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME, PRIVATE, OR I'LL HAVE YOU OUTTA HERE BEFORE YOU CAN SAY "DEATH STAR"!

1 – What's a "Death Star"?

C – MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

3 – Sir, the army is our business…

C – _(shakes head, exits stage)_ Just get out of my sight.

2 – _(grins)_ Yes Sir!


	3. Scene 3

Sorry for the delay. I wasn't sure If I would have to finish this myself. I need to call my friend, but phones aren't really my thing. I also didn't know how to end it. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Scene 3

_Stage is set with a radio, a couple benches, and some various other objects like barrels and trash baskets. "Revolution" bythe Beatles plays in the background. Lights go on over _2_ and _3_ cleaning and loading practice blasters. In this case, probablyNERF guns with suction cup darts. 3 is working on his without much noticeable emotion. 2 is working on his with an annoyed expression. They do this for a while, exchanging occasional conversation, when 1 walks in._

1 – (_turns down music_) Hey guys, what's up?

3 – (_without looking up_) Remember? Captain says we should try "Independent Group Training" occasionally in our free time. (_cocks the blaster, looks at 1_) 2 and I were just going to practice a head to head battlefield situation. (_stands up, stretches_)

2 – (_still working on blaster_) It's all a load of crap if you ask me. I mean, "Independent Group Training"? "Head-to-head battlefield situation"? I don't see how scrimmage war games help us. The key to a successful soldier is the ability to make the correct assumptions on the battlefield. Which is odd because the type of soldier they're looking for is a mindless drone that takes orders without question. They want us to be better than droids, but they want us to act like droids. You heard him back there. He said that when we are facing each other, we'll all be thinking alike. They're already trying to brainwash us and take away our individuality. _(sighs)_ But we might as well just do the so-called "Training". Like I said: it's not like we have a choice in the matter.

1 – Oh, come on. You always put a negative spin on things. Don't you find training fun?

2_ stares at _1_ as if Jar-Jar Binks were molesting his head_

1- Aaaaaaaaaaaanyhow… can I train too?

3 – I don't think so…

2 – No, wait I have an idea. Sure you can join. We're all out of practice blasters, but… (_starts digging behind the bench_) …I think you can… (_brings out foam finger_) use this big foam finger.

1 – (_takes foam finger, stares uncertainly_) Uhh…

2 – (_cocks blaster, stands up_) Ready? 1, 2, 3, go.

2_ and _3_ both shoot _1.

1 – HEY!

2 – (_grins_) Oh, bad luck, man. Looks like you lose.

1 – (_indignantly_) Where'd my blaster go, anyway?

3 – Whatever do you mean?

1 – Don't play innocent with me. Each of us was assigned a blaster. You're not "out of blasters". What did you do with mine?

3 – He's right. He got us good.

2 – Yeah, you're right. See, we hid it.

1 – Where?

2 – If we told you, that would defeat the entire purpose of hiding it.

3 – I'll give you a hint: It's in this area.

1 – Well fine. (_Starts walking further out on stage_) If you won't tell me, I'll just have to use my powers of observation and – (_trips over wastebasket containing blaster_)

3 – Oh, how ironic…

2 – (_Mockingly_) Wow! What luck! You found it!

1_ grumbles and shoots at_ 2_, misses_

2 – Ooo, be careful with that thing. You might put out someone's eye.

3 – You know we're just kidding around right?

1 – Psh. Yeah, right.

2 – No seriously. All in jest.

3 – Come on, I'll buy you a nutrition supplement.

1 – They're free.

2 – Exactly.

_ Black._


End file.
